


Oh Hi Guys

by NancyStew



Category: Law & Order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22103980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NancyStew/pseuds/NancyStew
Summary: Briscoe and Green solve a precinct mystery. Not smutty, just dumb.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Oh Hi Guys

“’Night, Old Spice,” said Green, standing up and putting on his jacket.

Briscoe didn’t look up from the files on his desk. “I thought we had an understanding about nicknames,” he said crabbily. They had only been working together two weeks but already this guy was pissing him off.

“Alright, sorry,” said Green smoothly. “Easy.” He paused and put his hands on the back of his chair. “Tell you what, I’ll buy you a drink right now. We get to know each other. You can tell me how I can and can’t address you.”

“Gee, you sure know how to sweep a guy off his feet,” said Briscoe, still looking at the files. Green wasn’t put off by the sarcasm, but he did catch a momentary flicker across Briscoe’s face at the word “drink.”

“Come on,” Green poured on the sugar. “I’ll let you tell old war stories. You caught Son of Sam, right? Found the Lindbergh baby?”

“If you don’t shut up,” said Briscoe, finally looking up. “You’re the one who’s gonna go missing.”

Green held up his palms. “Alright. Some other time.”

“Yeah, some other time,” said Briscoe, returning to the files. “Besides, three’s a crowd.”

“Three?” Green stopped short. “Who’s the third?”

Briscoe fixed him with a “don’t bullshit me” look. “Look, you’re not the first to fish off the company pier.”

“I don’t.”

“You’re not about to meet a lady visitor?”

“The only lady I’m seeing this weekend is Lady Luck,” said Green, tapping the playing card he kept in his breast pocket. “What, or who, are you talking about?”

Briscoe raised his eyebrows and looked at the visitor waiting area just outside the doors. Green followed his gaze. ADA Abbie Carmichael stood there, checking her watch. She looked — as she often did — angry.

Green turned back.

“The ADA?” he asked disbelievingly. “Car— Carmichael?”

“Come on, don’t be cute,” said Briscoe. “She’s dropped by the precinct every night for the past week. You think she comes for the stale coffee?” 

“Don’t get me wrong, she’s smoking,” said Green. “But the only time we’ve talked was when I was getting my ass handed to me over the Trope confession.”

Briscoe peered at him, a little unsure. Green’s response seemed genuine.

“Besides,” said Green, “I like a woman with a little more meat on her bones.”

“I’m sure you could make her a sandwich,” said Briscoe dryly.

They peered at Carmichael through the glass.

“Maybe she’s here on business,” said Green.

“Yeah. After-hours business.”

Carmichael checked her watch again and knit her brows. 

“Darker shade of lipstick,” said Green, thoughtfully. “And she looks pissed.”

“That is the expression of a woman being disappointed by a man. I know it well.”

Green laughed. “Well, if she’s not here for me — or you—”

Briscoe snorted.

“—then who’s she here for?”

The door at the end of the hallway opened. The detectives watched as Carmichael turned toward it and smiled. All traces of anger disappeared as she greeted the baby-faced blond man ambling toward her. 

“ _LaMotte???_ ” said Green and Briscoe in unison.

They were loud enough that both Carmichael and Detective Morris LaMotte turned to look at them. 

“Oh hi guys,” LaMotte raised a hand. He looked — as he often did — amenable to anything. He was a solid detective but he just couldn’t help but give off a doofus vibe. Briscoe often thought that if the lieutenant asked LaMotte to walk into a wood chipper, he’d shrug his shoulders and step right in. 

Carmichael narrowed her eyes at Green and Briscoe, hissed something at LaMotte, turned on her heel and headed for the door. “Oop, gotta go,” he said amiably, and followed her out.

Green and Briscoe looked at each other.

“ _LaMotte?_ ” repeated Green.

Briscoe shrugged and turned back to his files. “Who knows what lurks in the hearts of women?” he quipped.

“I guess LaMotte does,” said Green, finally turning to the door.

“ _LaMotte_ ,” they both said in awe.

**Author's Note:**

> Detective Morris LaMotte is an actual character who appears in seasons 9 and 10 of "L&O." He's kind of like a Paul from "Cheers" type — a doughy white guy who's around in the background. VanBuren often tells the star detectives to dump their grunt work on LaMotte and Profaci so they can go do an important interview. (Profaci is another doughy white cop and LaMotte's partner. Profaci ends up being prominently featured in the "Law & Order: Exiled" movie but good ol' LaMotte keeps puttering away in the background.) AnyWAY, I love LaMotte and I love the actor who plays him. 
> 
> For ne plus ultra LaMotte, watch season 9 episode 10 ("Hate"), where the detectives are trying to find someone to go undercover at a white supremacist gathering. For obvious reasons Curtis and VanBuren are out, and Briscoe's too old? (or maybe too Jewish?). So VanBuren pops out and comes back with LaMotte. And he's like, "What's going on?" And she's like, "You're going undercover in the KKK," and he's like, "Huh. OK." And everybody's like, "OMG look at him he's perfect!" Then later you see him at a very casual white supremacist party in somebody's wood-paneled basement holding a beer and looking at DVDs. And you're like, "That is soooo LaMotte."


End file.
